I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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