I'd wear matching sweaters with you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
