I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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