good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
