i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
