put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
