Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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