tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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