11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
