Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
