Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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