Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
