Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
