kristin has been a bad kristin
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm like, not good at living.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
