I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
