so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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