my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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