If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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