tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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