my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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