ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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