nutella sex= disaster
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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