I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
