Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
