How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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