After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
