I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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