i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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