I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
