He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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