sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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