mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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