; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We have started to decorate penises.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
