You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
