i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
