***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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