i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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