Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
