lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
