My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
