he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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