I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
