Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
