I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
