i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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