im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
