Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being āgoodā and 10 being ābanging a studentās fatherā, how bad is it that Iām banging a studentās father?
Randomize
