i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
