It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
