Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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