I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
