So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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