the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
