At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
