Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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