ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
