dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
