I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
