I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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