the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
