Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
