3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
