A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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