It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
it's great music for shaving your balls
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just want nice things and good sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
