she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
